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What is a Family Consultant?
I am trained to work therapeutically with families and their children who are going through the process of separation and divorce. The purpose is to help you and/or your partner when past emotional experiences get in the way of bringing about a workable and respectful resolution to all those concerned. My role is to support you both, either together or seperately to find ways to manage your fears and concerns and reduce conflict so that the legal process is completed in the least possible time.
As a Family consultant I may also work with your children, seeing them separately in appropriate cases, helping them to voice their thoughts, feelings, needs and concerns.
Family Consultants being part of the Collaborative Team
The role of the Family Consultant in the collaborative process is about listening to the differing views that are often brought into the negotiations which create an impasse. This space allows you both to express your thoughts and feelings so that you can find alternative ways of communicating. This facilitates a more constructive and preferred future, which takes into account the needs of the individual, the couple, the parental relationship and the wishes and hopes of the children.
Achieving a fair outcome for all the family members involves change. With the support of family consultantation you can begin to imagine such change and to give thoughtful consideration to opening up workable solutions; rather than being weighed down in the history of the relationship. We would work with the past experiences creating the impasse, either with you together as a couple; or individually, depending on what seems appropriate for you.
You both want what is best for yourself at a time when there is much uncertainty. It maybe difficult to believe that you can; with effort and more understanding, build a new working relationship from which a more positive communication/ways forward can evolve.
The main aim is to support you both in resolving any issues as quickly as possible, so that the collaborative process can be completed in the most constructive way for all concerned.
Time with a family consultant allows you to -
• Express you individual viewpoint, so that new possibilities can be opened up and impasses can be overcome.
• Acknowledge and face the range of emotional conflict preventing knowing how to move into a preferred future.
• Practice new communication patterns with your partner, rather than repeating the old destructive ways.
• Have ongoing support during the legal collaborative process and beyond if still necessary.
• With your emotional wellbeing being acknowledged and listened to, you will be in a clearer place to manage and discuss the future within the collaborative law negotiations.
• Works towards gaining a fuller understanding of the children’s needs and wishes.
• You will save money by using family consultants whose charges are less than the lawyer’s rate.
• It makes it likely that the legal process will be shorter and more productive.
• You can achieve a fuller resolution for all concerned - emotionally, personally and financially.
Keeping your child/children at the heart of your present and future co-parenting relationship
10 things your child/children will thank you for -:
1 Keeping arguments away from them and avoiding criticism of the other parent.
2 You being able to talk to the other parent about their needs (even though that is hard sometimes).
3 Allowing them to miss the other parent and make contact when they want to, even encouraging contact when you think they might want it.
4 Recognizing they have feelings that might be confusing and contradictory.
5 Asking what they think and listening to what they say (but not making them responsible for decisions).
6 Valuing them as developing people with their own friends and networks.
7 Remembering they can cope with different rules as long as they know what to expect in each household.
8 Being consistent about arrangements made and not letting them down.
9 Being flexible to their changing needs.
10 KNOWING THEY LOVE YOU BOTH AND YOU ARE THE ONLY PARENTS THEY WILL EVER HAVE!
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